When A Dream Destroys a Home

9:44 PM

I'm still mad about what happened days ago. Don't worry I won't go into detail but this is by far the most typical conflict in nearly every poor, working class to middle class Filipino family out there and it's maddening because it's predictable.You know damn well how I hate cliches and when your life starts to become like one, oh God! Spare me all this bullshit please. I never thought I'm surrounded by typical teleserye villains.

Things like this are never easy of course. So I tried to stay out of it as much as possible. Let the adults handle it. Okay fine! Months have passed I knew this was bound to happen. When you feel that your right is being violated by fallacious arguments involving money and fractions. 3/4?? Seriously, what the fuck is that? I can't stand fallacies! When you feel that your Dad is being cornered with fallacious statements and belittlement, what would you do? When you start to hear someone raising his voice and forcibly recounting vague statements from the past even digging people from their graves, you ought to raise your voice right? But I did not. Surprisingly, I burst into laughter because that commotion was hysterical at best. It was the funniest and silliest if not the most pathetic of all the damn episodes that can ever be developed for TV.

Things went cool for a while until apparently my facebook status that may not even be about what just happened. Well, of course, it's hard to say that was just a coincidence but I know I am entitled to my own opinion and I believe that I have every right to say whatever the fuck I want. I used the f bomb and the mother of all bombs so I'm sure it will certainly offend anyone. But I learned something from LAW 101 and it's to never assume otherwise stated and I never dropped a name. If my words and attitude were off then wouldn't I be the first one to know? People need not tell my parents about how I can be such a bitch. I know. They know and obviously everyone knows. But I fight only when needed. I never cried behind closed doors pretending to be saint. I'm not a saint. And I never cried out loud seeking for attention, calling out neighbors, screaming in a scandalous manner, raising my voice to my own grandmother. I didn't do that. If anything I'm the lesser evil in the equation. I believe what we experienced is called power-tripping.

I know I will never be as good as some of the people out there who are so perfect, who goes to church every Sunday, who posts status updates about their faith and God, they might as well be the next Pope. I really didn't want to put the spotlight on me. But I chose to raise my voice - online - which has its repercussion. And I'm very aware of that. And NO I'm not bitching about how unfair life is or how unfair life really is. There's no point. Been there done that! What I did is called exercising my freedom of expression.

Also, I don't seek sympathy for losing something we valued for years. Our home. And I don't feel aggrieved or oppressed at all when I saw it being torn apart. Demolished. Destroyed. To give way to their mansion! I don't need friends to patronize me or help me. Nor do I need to call out neighbors to point out the obvious. I did share to someone though which lead to an unexpected visit from a lawyer. It was funny how fast that day developed. We were given legal options about the matter, in that way it felt good to know we have some cards up our sleeves.

See? My life couldn't get any more dramatic. But at least I didn't cry like a cow as though I'm being oppressed. Typical protagonist. LOL. I don't make those kind of scenes in real life. There's enough of it on TV, right? We're used to less and we wish we have more but unfortunately in situations like this whoever has the money has the upper hand. But whatever happens I know where to turn to and I know exactly what to do.

Before anything else, I'm just gonna say that this isn't about me. This isn't about the conflict. In fact it was already settled. Or so they thought! They have what they want! What the hell are they still bitching about? In the end, it's always about respect and understanding. I may have to quote Einstein again but it's true! Peace can never be achieved with war - only by understanding. So I tried to see for myself where they are coming from.

So you have this ambition. You have this dream. You have this insane itch to show everyone how your life has progressed over the years and that's great! You may now live happily every after. Everyone should be happy for you. We should be happy for you. But why can't I?

Because I'm jealous? No. Over my dead amazing body. You see, I have bigger dreams and I plan to make them happen. I will move mountains if I have to. It's only a matter of patience and hardwork. Patience when you have nothing. That can define you. The same goes for attitude when you (seem to) have everything.

Again, why can't I? Because that dream of yours lead us to this. Destruction. I wish there was a restart button. I wish you have carefully planned your dream so that no one would ever get hurt. I wish you didn't push people out of their comfort zones. Or push them out of their homes. I wish this awkwardness is gone and things just go back from normal. I wish you didn't put people to stress. Yeah, a hell of a lot of stress. While you're sitting pretty wherever you are, our little business is suffering from the construction. The noise pollution. The stagnant water from the site which gave birth to a swarm of dengue carrying mosquitoes. That's all on you!

Maybe that's good news for you. But c'mon I could sue you over the health risks and other risks you brought upon next door. Going back, I wish you didn't raise your voice. I wish I didn't have to say all this because everything is okay. But it's not. We are here now, I am here now on my blog writing about this because of that destructive dream of yours. That dream is selfish. I wish you were more humble and understanding. I wish I didn't have to say what I had said. But you provoked me.

I have dreams but I won't let that get in the way of another. Never. I won't let my dream ruin my relationship with my family and friends. I can't let my dream be the nightmare of others especially the people who are dear to me. Coz if that happens, I'll dream of something else. That's how you do it. But you can't! Because you are all fucking selfish. YES! Believe it or not, you all are! Every single fucking one of you.

I am not sorry for expressing myself. This was bound to happen. Sooner or later. I am sorry that it had to be this way. It hurts me to say this but...We've had our happiest times. We've had the most memorable summers. Fun movie times. Endless chat and sleepovers. But I guess for now, let's stick to our corners and let's just grow apart. Goodbye!

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