Looking Back and Looking Forward!

7:31 AM

I've blamed myself enough for all the mistakes I've done during college.” And funny how I said that as though I'm already done with college. To tell you upfront, I'm still in college (that should be obvious) but most of my batch-mates are graduating (or have graduated) already. I really thought college was going to be an easy peasy affair.

But NO! Hell no. At first it was a delightful experience – everything’s new and seems alright. It actually felt like you’re just in high school. Taking breaks, naps, skip boring classes and play around from time to time. But as you slowly welcome changes you will realize the harsh reality that College can be an arena for gladiatorial combat. It’s not like how you thought it would be. Not when you’ve entered a State University.

It’s the survival of the fittest, I say. A few of you might disagree and say college is survival of the smarty pants. But I believe all of us were smart enough to land on a course and a University like that. It’s actually just up to you how you’re going to survive. College is like The Hunger Games, it's all about survival no matter what the situation may be. Just pray that Effie Trinket’s there to bless you “Happy College Life! And may the odds be ever in your favor!”. Right then, you might just have a chance!? Or maybe not. Unless of course, you've volunteered as tribute. LOL

So, from a good scholarly boy I turned into an indolent underachiever. I don’t know how that happened and admittedly I think it’s my fault for aiming the wrong target – just the passing grade.

At first of course, I craved and tried to get some really good grades. But later on I’ve come to ask myself “Why should I, when others don’t?”  How come I feel alone in a supposedly competitive environment? Is it just me or my classmates have gone tired of the ‘usual’ high school academic drive? And man I looked everywhere to find an answer and there I saw myself – and hell I realized I just can’t act like a high school goofball anymore.

I set aside everything I knew because I thought had to fit well with my new environment and finally I caught on into the “College Pride” fever. “That’s so High School!” was our slogan by the way.

Since then, passing grade became the highest grade. It was the most challenging grade to get and it meant a lot because every time we’d enter the office during the end of semester is like a situation of life and death.

We weighed our marks not by its amount or number but by its color. Black means continuity, you can still sleep soundly at night and move on the next day. Red, on the other hand, is one tormenting punishment giving you more sleepless nights or nightmares but above all, extended College Days. It’s hard to understand how we thought of it that way or how we ended up like that. There’s peer pressure, some unappreciative, inconsiderate, hideous-looking contemptuous teachers (Bitter!?), influential classmates but most of all Friendster, ohh.. Scratch that, Facebook!  I mean a whole world of laziness. The only thing that’s fairly motivating was nobody cared to have a “flat 1” anymore. Although it would be great, with all the pressure on our shoulders we couldn’t care less. Later on, I’ve woken up to my senses and I realize that I can’t go with that kind of flow anymore. So I decided to transfer school, shift courses and start a new life.

Things are quite better now though. Academic pressure-wise, things have gotten better. A few things may get out of hand but I don’t blame myself anymore. I may still fail on some classes but that doesn’t mean I’m a bad student especially now that I’m working freelance – to support my education, myself and my family.

I am, however, starting to dread the day that I would start my 5th year in College. And that is a couple of months from now. I hate it when people ask me over and over again about when will I ever graduate. And while I could just tell them with all honesty that I’ll probably graduate on March 2014. Yeah, that’s like two years away from now – I just can’t. Maybe because I know and I’m quite positive that it’ll take me 3 more semesters to finish (instead of 4). Or maybe because I’m not very certain what’s going to happen in 2 years time just like how I never thought I would transfer school after spending two and a half years on my previous University. It’s really hard to say. But if there’s anything that I can assure these people is that I have plans in life and graduating is definitely first on my list.

Everyone’s talking about their graduation; Most of the graduates even had their graduation picture as the display pic of their Facebook profiles. And while it sometimes hurts, it sometimes helps. Because now I understand myself better. I also realized that there’s nothing wrong with finishing college at my own pace, in my own time. And I’ll use my extra time to think about what to do after my graduation. :-D I kinda figured it out though. You guess!

So for my batch mates, Happy Graduation! To my classmates and friends who are yet to graduate, hmm..here's some sort of motivation "A lot of people say that the real world sucks - So I figured out, why not stay in College a bit longer! Just a bit!! Give yourselves some time to think about what to do after college, while looking forward for our Happy Graduation. :-D"

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  1. Well, I always try my best to excel when I was still in UP (ye know, honor and excellence ang peg namin eh). But I grew tired of it since my best wasn't good enough to some of my prof, but fortunately, I managed to finish my course on time. One thing that I regret the most was I just settled with mediocrity during the 2nd half of my college life (3rd and 4th year). I should have fought 'til the last day. But yeah, no regrets...just love. Lol

    1. That's the good thing about growing up and staying in a competitive environment - you will always try your best.

      Fight till the end! That's very inspiring to hear. Thanks Renz!