How Some Bloggers Can Be Utterly Sick!

1:19 AM

WARNING: This post can be utterly annoying because it's full of borrowed thoughts, grammatical errors, interrobangs, emoticons and bullshit that it poses risks of injury, potential global catastrophe – or worse, the end of mankind.


"OMG! I got an invite for an event today. I'll be wearing an Indianappleous Red Pekpek shorts later for everyone to see how fat-assed I am!? I'm so excited! I need to pose like this. Pakk! Pose like that..Pakk! Oh, wait instagram! Pose like there's no tomorrow pak pak pak! Oh, that just made my day!



Hi guys, I had this food for breakfast and I've been meaning to tell you that it's so delicious my brain couldn't find another set of adjectives to describe how good it was. It's delicious like Shawarma Rice! Yeah, like, there were so many food at the table and I love them all! Every bit of them I bit, I swallowed and I ate. Now look at me, I may be fat but deep inside I'm super hot!

Nobody ever told me that blogging is like spray-painting on the wall with lots of punctuation marks!!!! And EMOTICONS too! :-) .I'm going to align this post in centered because that's what I learned from years of writing lengthy FRIENDSTER "About Me" posts. I remember that it sometimes come with colored texts, cute graphics and adorable blinking and marquee effects!

By the way readers I'm so proud to announce that...Wow! I got offered to do a paid post. Paid post they offered,  1000 characters they say, lots of punctuations, smileys and emoticons I say

OMG!!! I'm so happy. ^_^ I love this post. <3 Coz I'm making money. *woot* (@_@) </3 Bow. Rawr. Ciao!? Ciao fer now! :-})


This is blogging! Like, I'm gonna cry now out of happiness because there goes my 1000 character paid post article and I just made money out of typing mostly punctuations!! Creative writing? Fuck that. I AM the new creative in fact because I'm such a genius I created a new emoticon myself and it's called "suave smile". :-})

Anyway, I'm going to downtown later to buy some NEW clothes. You know? Gonna buy a new pair of shoes from Gucci or perhaps Louis Vuitton. Oh wait, Pradaaah! I also need to change my wardrobe before I malfunction as an obsessed fashion and lifestyle tumblogger. Well I was supposed to say I'm a food blogger as well but let's just keep it here okay? The truth hurts.

Random thought! I'm going to buy a second hand shoes at UK. Like, my rich grandmother revealed to me that the Loeffler Randall shoes she gave me before she died was from the UKAY UKAY. And I'm going to continue her legacy. I'll shop at the Ukay coz you know it's quite cheap there! I want you to know that everytime I go UKAY I wear my uncle's astronaut suit. Yeah, like the MASA people are there kasi and it's so kadiri making lapit to them.

I think you better look at my braces now! Not too close. . that's my tartar..now zoom out! There you go, see the shining shimmering splendid-ness of my braces! Those braces are not cheap. I bought it last March during a clearance sale at the Forever Convenience Store. It comes with free dentures too, now I can finally replace the dentures of my grandmother which I've been wearing for six years now.

Now where am I! OMG. I almost did not realize I'm still writing this. Ohh..I need to go to the mall now. I'm going to update this post when I get there okay? I'll bring with me an iPAD so I can do live blogging and I'll try to post some pics with different poses and filters via instagram too. Just to let you know I'm still fab at the Yaya mall.

UPDATE: Okay..I'm back! I'm at the mall. But wait..there are pogi guys around I think I have to make pa cute by making a "LOOK AT THE SHIT WHILE I MAKE PAHID MY SWEAT" pose.

Wait! PAKKK Instagram! Oh..there it goes. :-)



 I look so pretty don't you think? Hahaha.

I see...there's like a food event for bloggers pala upstairs. But I wasn't informed. You know what? I should have been informed! I SHOULD HAVE BEEN INFORMED! I SHOULD HAVE BEEN INFORMED! Like, don't they know that I'm popular! I can get lots of facebook likes and I have 1500 facebook friends and I have a confidential but a decent number of twitter followers and why was I not invited to the grand launching of "ALING PASINGS KARINDERYA". OMG! I'm going to gatecrash that event. They wouldn't know that because there are lots of bloggers and I'm sure PR/Company will not care if I gatecrash because there will still be leftovers for me you know. Hahaha. I also think they won't care if I ask for an EXCLUSIVE slot and freebies because well, I'm gonna blog about the event anyway. They're only worth of my precious punctuations! Right? I'm so awesome. I know right!

This isn't the first that I came into an event with full force. Well, the last time I wasn't invited I simply contacted the PR/Company and they said yes I could come. I also announced to facebook that I got an invite from them when I actually just invited myself. Like, I'm that popular kasi eh. They gave me a slot so you cannot say I can't go to the event because I can and I will because like what I've said I'm now friends with the organizers. Like I'm so damn popular now because I'm a blogger. And even if the organizers would tell me not to come I will still gatecrash because I'm like so popular talaga. And I will make sapak whoever gets into my way with my wonder tsinelas. By the way, the brand is Habananas!

And to the senator who said I'm a blogger lang, well, read this post to discover I'm not just a blogger after all. Don't worry, you are free to copy this post and address to the senate how some endangered specie of bloggers like I do can be utterly sick! Oh..that reminds me I forgot to take my meds this morning. Like I was diagnosed kasi of a pangmayaman lang na illness which you're never gonna have.

I will blog about the food event later so watch out for my next post ha?  And also my next pose.


I'm Inday Stariray of. . .
IndayStarirayandthewondertsinelas.tumblr.com
Till next post.
Ciao Ciao
 Mua Mua Mua. . Tsup Tsup Tsup! <3



NOTES:
This is a work of fiction, any resemblance to real life was mere coincidence.
But if you feel not, the end is near, feel free to get hit by falling stars.


Gucci

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48 comments

  1. bwuahahahahaha.... super duper... make sapak the face with a wonder tsinelas - habananas.. ^_^

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, like let's make sapak each other with habananas para everybody happy!

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  2. LOL...Mark! Pakk...pakk..pakk! This just completed my breakfast. =D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just needed to get it out of my chest!

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  3. Why are you like that mark, ha? i'm gonna make you sapak with my habananas! hahaha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. problem? (troll_face). hahaha
      I'm like that because yeah I'm bitter about being hit by a habananas. lol

      Delete
  4. What the heck! You make me LOL while reading your post! Especially this one --> "I think you better look at my braces now! Not too close. . that's my tartar..now zoom out! " hahaha!
    What can I say, this is a BRAVE blog post.

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    Replies
    1. lol. daming issues lately eh. .i just needed to get it off my chest through parodying annoying kind of bloggers. ZzZzz. .sana lang hindi ma misinterpret. :-p They exist naman din talaga. Hahaha

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  5. I was really entertained by this post and could just imagine the persona of the bloggers quoted.

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    Replies
    1. I can hardly feel their persona! Hahahaha. . what's a persona?

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  6. This is really hilarious, amusing and entertaining. Nice one Mark =)

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  7. Hi Mark,

    Hilarious post here, haha. You should do a series of "Hilarious Blogger Behaviors" posts!!

    Kristel

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Series!? O__O That sounds painful eh, but challenge accepted. LOL

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  8. Mark, you nailed it. Bato bato sa langit ang matamaan, BINGO! Very entertaining and love the sarcasm.

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    Replies
    1. Ang matamaan ng falling star, patay! Hahaha. :-) Glad you liked it.

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  9. I actually thought these entries were taken from actual posts from bloggers -- until you clarified at the end that it was only fictional. This can be sad. But it has its truths..

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  10. same with FB 'Friends'.... those i have just hidden from news feed hehehe

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    Replies
    1. It must have been really painful to read every facebook status written like that. O_O

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  11. there should be shameful bloggers awards too... bad :(

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  12. A new emoticon is born! SUAVE SMILE! Booom!

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    Replies
    1. I know right. Like, I made that myself!! I'm so awesome. Oh, my god! :-})

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  13. Hahaha..absolutely funny! Some of the lines really apply...

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  14. Whahaha tumpak at wapak na wapak! luv the humor and the truths here inday istariray!

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    Replies
    1. Like, that's my way of bloggin you know! Only popular bloggers do that kasi eh. Like, u should prolly make bisita naman my tumblr! Like, I follow lots of cool bloggers too and I think I'm friends with them but I'm the only one who knows it but now you know! Hahaha. OMG! ^_^

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  15. ARay! Dami kong Tawa. Sad but true.

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  16. fictionalizing non-fiction, I've seen these kind of posts if not blogs from update and wall posts at FB. Well my sis even send us email before with all the emoticons and smileys and the mwaah, mwaah thing gazillion lines... yay!

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  17. LOL. This made my day. Can I put more emoticons ba? ha..ha..ha.. Just following the thought or should I see lines..

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    Replies
    1. Of course you should and don't you dare miss the suave smile emoticon which is a pure work of a genius. Like! OMG! You should try it talaga. :-})

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  18. I'm usually not into sarcastic/satirical blog articles, but I happen to feel the same sentiments as you do :) Well done on this, putting it out in a funny way. I don't think I can do the same!

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    Replies
    1. Awts.. sorry naman, I'm not also into writing sarcastic satirical posts but I thought it's the safest to get this whatever-the-hell I have out of my chest. XD

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  19. Parang si Christopher Lao lang- I should've been informed!:D

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  20. Parang si Christopher Lao lang- I should've been informed!:D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dapat pala kinowt ko sya, "I should have been informed!"

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  21. Bwahahahahahaha!!!! XD

    Some of the story seem to look familiar. XD

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha. I'm sure you've heard of the Sapak story! Hehehe.

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  22. All I can say is.. Paaak!!!!.. Booommmm!!!!... I think I'm guilty to at least three scenarios you mentioned Mark. hehehe...

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  23. Lol! Grabe!! Di maubos-ubos tawa ko.

    ReplyDelete
  24. This is what modern-day technology brings to the world... a compilation of words, phrases and sentences that are grammatically incorrect but totally, absolutely, definitely ridiculous and funny!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It goes to show how free we are to say whatever we want. Freedom of expression that is threatened by a new law.

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  25. Like ko ito Mark! Things that the Cybercrime Act should cover hahahaha! Mga mahilig mag-post in English na karumal-dumal ang grammar..

    www.purakikinang.com

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  26. Hahaha you are so funny! I end up laughing hard really!

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  27. This is hilarious...everybody happy!!!

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